A note from our legal eagles (who are actually just pigeons in wigs)
Welcome, discerning reader! We're thrilled you've made it to our disclaimer page – a true sign of a critical thinker, or perhaps someone who accidentally clicked the wrong button. Either way, you're here, and we have some important (and hilarious) things to tell you.
Prepare for bonkers, not facts
Here at Culture Shock Daily News, we specialise in the art of the completely bonkers. Every single 'news story' you find on our esteemed (and entirely fictional) pages is crafted purely for comedy. Think of us as the theatrical stage of journalism, where every headline is a punchline and every paragraph a setup for a giggle. There are always, always, always obvious clues that these are comedy stories. Even the most gullible person, after a moment of befuddlement, should definitely see the funny side. We simply cannot be held responsible for any loss, emotional distress, or sudden urge to buy shares in a company based on an article about flying squirrels delivering pizza. We expect all our delightful readers to take these stories precisely as they're meant to be taken: as a bit of fun.
Celebrity endorsements? Not even in our wildest dreams
Occasionally, you might spot the name of a real celebrity gracing our pages, perhaps offering a particularly outlandish quote about their latest endeavour (like their secret plan to colonise the moon with artisanal cheeses). Let us be abundantly clear: no celebrity has ever, and we mean ever, actually given us a comment. So, they absolutely, unequivocally did not say what we said they said. Any likeness to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and intended for humorous purposes. We just pluck these quotes from the ether of our comedic minds, much like a magpie plucks shiny objects.
When did real news last make you laugh?
You might be asking yourself, "How can I tell this isn't real news?" Well, dear reader, it's rather obvious! Our stories are so gloriously, delightfully bonkers that only a very specific kind of publication (rhymes with 'Daily Fail') would ever dream of printing them as fact. The clues are everywhere, embedded like tiny comedic easter eggs. And honestly, when did a real news story last make you genuinely laugh? We rest our case. This website is for fun, for chuckles, for those moments when you need a break from the relentless seriousness of the actual world. So, sit back, enjoy the absurdity, and remember to engage your funny bone before your critical thinking cap.
A final word of wisdom (and warning)
If, by some extraordinary stroke of misplaced earnestness, you decide to share any of our stories as actual, factual, 100% genuine news, you do so entirely at your own risk. We're providing the comedy; any subsequent fallout from your friends thinking you've gone mad is entirely on you. Thank you for being a part of our comedy experiment!
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